WISDOM

You know, walk the earth, meet people... get into adventures. Like Caine from "Kung Fu."

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.

I LOVE HER LAR

Frakken

Frat guy + Mythical sea monster = Frakken

orrrr.....

Clash of the Broseidens

Thanks Joe!

HAPPY ST PATRICKS DAY YA DRUNKS

GOALS AREN'T ALWAYS A GOOD THING

This is DOnna Simpson, and she has a dream. A dream to find a cure for cancer? Perhaps a way to help those with learning disabilities? Nope. Donna wants to be the fattest woman on record. Here is a nice little blurb about her "goal";

Miss Simpson, 42, from New Jersey, USA, already holds the Guinness World Record as the world's biggest mum.

She was 520lbs when she had daughter Jacqueline, three, becoming the largest woman to give birth.

Now she weighs a mega 600lbs, or 43 stone, and hopes to break the 1,000lbs or half a ton mark.

Miss Simpson, who wears XXXXXXXL dresses, eats whole cakes and bags of donuts and tries to move as little as possible.

"I'd love to be 1,000lb," she said.

"It might be hard though. Running after my daughter keeps my weight down."

She runs her own website where people pay to watch her eat, or see her wash her huge body.

The cash helps fund the family's $750 a week food shop, which Miss Simpson carries out in her mobility scooter.

She met her partner Philippe, 49, seven years ago on a dating site for plus-size people.

Philippe, who weighs just 150lbs, is a self-confessed fat admirer, who will only look at a woman if she weighs over 28 stone.

But Miss Simpson, who has an older son Devin, 14, from a previous relationship, insists she's healthy.

"My favourite food is sushi, but unlike others I can sit and eat 70 big pieces of sushi in one go," she said.

"I do love cakes and sweet things, doughnuts are my favourite."

Seriously!?!

RIP COREY FELDMAN

He was absolutely amazing in Rock and Roll High School.

LOOKS LIKE FUN

This painting is awesome. I want to go swimming with a duck right now.

BRAIN HURT FROM STUPID PEOPLE TALKING

This little muffin tops name is Lauren Ashley. She is the self proclaimed Miss Beverly Hills or something like that. From my understanding she is competing in the “beauty” pageant for Miss California. Well as most young ladies in this industry know the best way to get your name out there is to hate gay people. She quoted a bible verse that in a manner of speaking said that gay people should killed;

If man lies with mankind as he would lie with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death and their blood shall be upon them.

That’s pretty biblical. Obviously, this young lady is quite worldly and a role model for young girls everywhere. Wait, I meant fat entitled hose beast that should have rotten vegetables thrown at her.

Many people have already addressed her comments and she is getting the attention she had sought. Don’t worry though, she has the strong support of the National Organization for Marriage, and its President Maggie Gallagher, who dropped this little gem;



GIVE ME MORE DONUT HOLES!!!!









No actually she said this;

But I have to say, I am impressed with her courage in coming forward and for speaking up for Carrie. The elected officials of city of Beverly Hills are not demonstrating tolerance or kindness by continuing the avalanche of hatred against supporters of Prop 8.

I slapped my head so hard after that I got a concussion. These people are not demonstrating tolerance? GAHHHHH! My brain hurts.

BALD EAGLE BOOMBOXES

I am not saying I have made one of these yet but it is going to happen. What you are looking at right now is a rough schematic of what I envision the finished product to look like. The bald eagle doesn't have to wear the sunglasses but I think that it's a nice touch. I contemplated giving him a fresh pair of Air Force Ones but then realized that he wouldn't be able to use his talons. Talons are like birds hands.

VACATION CAT

Gif maker

COACH WIENER

P.E. with Coach Wiener: Baseball - watch more funny videos

MY SPIRIT ANIMAL

Stu Nahan: Hello everybody! I'm Stu Nahan, and I'd like you to meet this young man. His name, Jeff Spicoli. And Jeff, congratulations to you. Things looked kind of rough out there today.
Jeff Spicoli: Well, I'll tell you Stu, I did battle some humongous waves! But you know, just like I told the guy on ABC, "Danger is my business!"
Stu Nahan: You know, a lot of people expected maybe Mark "Cutback" Davis or Bob "Jungle Death" Gerrard would take the honors this year.
Jeff Spicoli:Those guys are fags!
Stu Nahan: That's fantastic! Let me ask you a question. When you get out there, do you ever fear for your life?
Jeff Spicoli: Well Stu I'll tell you, surfing's not a sport, it's a way of life, you know, a hobby. It's a way of looking at that wave and saying, "Hey bud, let's party!"

HE'S SO RAW!

My d--- is sort of like a white supremacist. I've got a Benetton heart and a f-----' David Duke c---. I'm going to start dating separately from my d---.

I HAVE SIX PAIRS

Every pair comes with a grooming kit for your beard.

THOSE SMELL GOOD

AMSTERDAM — A rose by any other name would smell as sweet, but apparently not sweet enough to conceal the scent of cocaine.

Dutch customs officials say they have intercepted a shipment of the drug hidden among 20,000 long-stem roses flown to the Netherlands from Colombia in time for the St. Valentine's Day holiday this week.

The National Prosecutor's office said Wednesday that four kilograms of the narcotic were divided into small packages, wrapped in cellophane, and hidden in the cardboard boxes holding the roses.

Two Dutch suspects were arrested. Police found more of the boxes and drugs in searches of their homes and garages. In all they uncovered 9 kilograms of highly purified cocaine with an estimated street value of $1.8 million.

DON'T GO IN THE WATER

I WANT A HORSE MASSAGE

Just 3 Boyz (Starring Tim & Eric, Zach Galifianakis) from FODPresents

PRIVATE EYES

They're watching you....