You did it again you son of a bitch. That is the last time I let you house sit for me. Who in their right mind would do that on the living room carpet? I don’t care if that is the only way that you can “get off.” I think that it is time you learned some manners my friend. I have worked with you through many tough times in the past, but I think you may have taken it a bit too far this time. I have no idea why you have to involve so many fluids into a sex act, but all I can say is that my carpet looks like an early Pollack right now. The thing is that I like you Murp. You brighten up my day, and your knowledge of the world knows no bounds, but when you bring home three homeless prostitutes and redecorate my carpet, I have to draw the line.
P.S. The cleaning bill is in the mail.
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