I think I found a way to finally find true love (my reality show Cock of Love did not "work" for VH1). Beautiful People is a dating website for those of us who are ridiculously good looking but don't have the time to go out and meet people in public. They are so committed to serving their clientèle that after the holidays they booted over two thousand members for gaining too much weight. Maybe I should let the super P.R. savvy founder of the site, Robert Hintze, explain the business decision;
As a business, we mourn the loss of any member, but the fact remains that our members demand the high standard of beauty be upheld. Letting fatties roam the site is a direct threat to our business model and the very concept for which BeautifulPeople.com was founded.
Hell yeah Robert. Fuck all those stupid fat people looking for love. Guys like us need to stick together. Ugly and fat people just don't get what it's like to be on our level. When I go on my creepy internet dating site I want to make sure there aren't a bunch of six and sevens who think they are nines and tens.
12 comments:
About me:
Big deals. That’s really all I’m interested in. Big deals and cougars. Cougars and money. Money. What? You don’t like my interests? Ok – well first of all, go fuck yourself. Second – go down to the driveway of your one bedroom house loser chick Post Property and see what’s there. Bet you it’s an H3! Yellow? God I’m good. If it’s a Range Rover, then it must be because some neighbor of yours got shit faced and accidentally parked in your driveway. I bet all of your ties are from Ross. Bottle service. ’08 Range Rovers. My life is awesome. What?! You don't believe me? Read about it on my blog. You wish you had my life.
Who I'd like to meet:
Your mother, if she's a hot cougar. Your sister if she's a kitten. Anyone who does bigger deals than me. I don’t believe they exist.
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