A dream that will haunt me forever

If you’re like me you love Rock of Love (you’re also like me if you have a penis down to your knee a pet unicorn and a lifetime pass to Knott’s Berry Farm). I have watched closely as Brett Michaels has tried in vain to find true love as he rocks his cock off across America. Why he can’t find love with women of such high moral character and intelligence is beyond me? However, I think it may be time for me to stop watching this show. I had a dream about Rock of Love this weekend that has shaken me to my core.

The dream started as if it was the typical end to a normal Rock of Love episode. All of the ladies are in their finest hooker garb and making whorish puppy dog eyes. It felt so real that I almost was waiting to hear some girl explain that she’s worried Brett might eliminate her because she had not taken the initiative to blow him when she had a chance. Otherwise, everything else is normal. Big John is even there with the passes. Then Brett comes out. HOLY SHIT JESUS TESTICALS FUCK COCK. Brett has just come out without wearing a hat or a bandana and he looks like Jet Li in Once Upon a Time in China.

He seriously looked just like that. I woke up like it was a nightmare. I had a cold sweat all over my body. It was terrifying. I tried to push it far from my mind and returned to bed. I had almost completely forgotten about it until I was flipping through the channels and came to this week’s episode of Rock of Love. All I could think of was this…

I never want to dream again.