It's Monday and I want to party

I hate Mondays. So sometimes I like to think about the next great party I will be having. What am I thinking right now? Well, first things first. We have to buy a yacht. I am talking about a yacht that is the size of one of those shiek's from Dubai. I want the yacht to be so big that there are three helipads on it. I want it to also have an indoor pool just in case the weather isn’t too nice on our way to the Bahamas. It will be filled with only three things; Cold beer, Jack Daniels, and fireworks. The ship will be manned by the Hawaiian tropic bikini team and the on ship chef will be decided by an iron chef type contest. The contest will be to the death, and we will throw the losers overboard. The winner gets to cook whatever they would like, and they get to live.

The theme for this party definitely has to be nautical. I would welcome people to try and find the finest blazers and cocktail dresses for this occasion. One thing though…Nobody gets to wear the captains hat. Only I am allowed to do this, and I think that is pretty fair considering that I put this whole thing together. I would advise that people try to wear darker colors because sea sickness can really stain.

Once on board, I will have a brief introduction to the crew and how the day will work. Everyone will be placed into groups and sent below deck. In the many staterooms below will be a series of different rooms. Each room will have an assortment of drinking games or physical/ mental challenges for the guests to participate in. This may seem a bit standard in that people always play drinking games at parties. Well, that is not the case here. I will be having my big breasted crew monitoring the successes and failures of each person in every room. Why all the monitoring? That’s because the guests score will reflect directly on their assignment for the ship. Think of it as the asshole higherarchy system. You want to be first mate so that you can tell all the assholes in the Galley what to do. Anyways, this leads to more drinking as we head to the culmination of the festivities.

As the yacht gets into the Bahamas we will enjoy a meal prepared by the last living chef. One last meal for everyone to enjoy on the boat, before stepping on land. I will probably spring for some fire dancers or something to keep my guests busy as I wait to spring the last twist of this party on them. As dinner is coming to a close I would like to walk to the middle of the dining room and politely clink my glass to start a toast. I will say some nice things about the day and how I enjoyed the company of everyone on the ship ….blah blah blah. At this point I would have my lovely crew bring out life jackets for everyone. Why the life jackets? Everyone will ask.

“The life jackets are here for the final event of the evening. You see my fellow guests I have grown tired of my mega yacht and the pains of its upkeep. I have planted charges on the bottom of the boat and have set them to expire five minutes from when I hit this button.” (Take out device and press button) “Now I know that there aren’t to many life boats but at least the water is warm. I think we are only about a mile from the shore, and there are plenty of life vests for all. So I thank you for your attendance at this party and I wish you luck on making it to shore. GOOD NIGHT”

Now I am sure that some of my drunken guest will think that I am bluffing. But I think it will be pretty obvious that I am not, when immediately after giving my speech I head to one of the helipads with my most big breasted…errrr…trusted employee. As the chopper takes off I am sure that people will try to make an effort to head for shore. As well they should. I would make sure that the blast was not two intense that the explosions will harm anyone. Just enough for the people who still thought I was joking realized that in fact, I was not. As for myself, I plan to sit on the beach at a large bonfire and have coolers of champagne for people as they make their way from the charred remains of my once glorious yacht. I am sure there will be some hard feelings, but isn’t facing challenges what life is made of.