Read my lips…More new taxes

If I am elected President that is exactly what is going to happen. I know that many people in the past have made that completely unattainable promise to the American public in the hopes of receiving more votes. Well I would like to follow in the footsteps of Abraham Lincoln in that I will not tell a lie, not for the creepy beard part. I don’t think that I have to emulate the man that much. The thing is that I have to be honest, because once I am in office things are going to change drastically. First things first, I am going to bring all the troops home. I will need to bring them home in order to surround the White House and Camp David with enough security during both work and play. Why would I need the entire fighting forces of America to protect me? That’s because I am sure some of my choices will not be taken very well both at home and abroad. I plan on raising the taxes for all Americans in order to fund the remodel of the White House. Let’s face it, it has grown outdated and tacky. I propose a 100 level mega White House with turret guns and a moat filled with great white sharks and porcupines. Nothing says America like animal abuse and guns. The next step is to build a telescope on the moon. Sooner or later Aliens are going to attack us. We need to be able to prepare for an attack in any way that we can, and I think that this telescope idea is a real winner. I bet those aliens think twice about trying to come down and drop a sneak attack on us. Trust me people. Aliens are secretive and shady when it comes to relations with humans. Finally, I am going to change the length of term from 4 years to life, so that I can safely see that all my ideas come to fruition. This will use plenty of taxpayer money for bribes and other types of dealing to make this a reality. Oh yeah, and if we have some time we are going use some of those taxes to help the environment or something like that. Can I let you in on something? That is going to cost money, a whooooole bunch of money.

BURT 08’