Wednesday, December 21, 2005

HO HO HO Biatch

"Not a person was stirring. NOt even that bitch ass motherfucker chauncey." Mrs. Clause

I guess this time of the year is hard for people because they might not have a place to go. What many people don't know is that every year Mr. and Mrs. Clause have a assfuckin good time of a party in the North Pole, it is invite only of course. In order to get to the party one must trek through the ice fields of Heckitsfuckinfreazin. Then you must fight off the carnivorous peguins. Yes, they are carnivorous. No, they don't put up much of a fight. All you have to do is knock them over. One thing you always have to remember is that they are animals. Animals get scared by flashing lights and big biceps. Fortunately, when I flex my biceps they flash a brilliant neon light. Unfortunately, I have gotten kicked out of many arm wrestling tournaments for illegal tactics. I was one step away from fighting in that movie "Over The Top" for that big MAC truck. Until Stalone started getting all jealous. HE was all ",like I am the biggest pussy in the world, I wish I was as strong as you, blah blah blah." I am totally over that though. Wait...What was I talking about. Oh yeah, Christmass. Once you get to the house Mrs. Clause has her special egg nog 40oz ready to go. Santa usually gets back around the time I have finished my 10th egg nog 40oz. If my math is correct I belive that equals shitfaced. After the telling of stories and reindeer dinner (funny side note: The reindeer they kill each year is named Rudolph) we open a few bottles of everclear and proceed to break all the presents that Santa forgot to deliver. After that we try to watch "A Christmass Story." Usually, I fall asleep in the bathroom. The next morning I begin my long swim home. I find it refreshing. I know that not everybody has Christmass like me. And with that in mind I would like to say, go fuck yourself Stalone. Love Burt