Tuesday, April 20, 2010

FAULT LINES MY ASS


I really enjoyed this article. Mostly because of the first tagline;

A senior Iranian cleric says women who wear revealing clothing and behave promiscuously are to blame for earthquakes.

If this was true, L.A. would be under water.

Monday, April 05, 2010

GIANTS BASEBALL IS BACK


All hail the Crazy Crab. Lou Seal can get bent. UUUUUUUUUU RIIIIIIIBE

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

WISDOM


You know, walk the earth, meet people... get into adventures. Like Caine from "Kung Fu."

Thursday, March 25, 2010


Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.

I LOVE HER LAR

Friday, March 19, 2010

Frakken


Frat guy + Mythical sea monster = Frakken

orrrr.....

Clash of the Broseidens

Thanks Joe!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

HAPPY ST PATRICKS DAY YA DRUNKS

GOALS AREN'T ALWAYS A GOOD THING


This is DOnna Simpson, and she has a dream. A dream to find a cure for cancer? Perhaps a way to help those with learning disabilities? Nope. Donna wants to be the fattest woman on record. Here is a nice little blurb about her "goal";

Miss Simpson, 42, from New Jersey, USA, already holds the Guinness World Record as the world's biggest mum.

She was 520lbs when she had daughter Jacqueline, three, becoming the largest woman to give birth.

Now she weighs a mega 600lbs, or 43 stone, and hopes to break the 1,000lbs or half a ton mark.

Miss Simpson, who wears XXXXXXXL dresses, eats whole cakes and bags of donuts and tries to move as little as possible.

"I'd love to be 1,000lb," she said.

"It might be hard though. Running after my daughter keeps my weight down."

She runs her own website where people pay to watch her eat, or see her wash her huge body.

The cash helps fund the family's $750 a week food shop, which Miss Simpson carries out in her mobility scooter.

She met her partner Philippe, 49, seven years ago on a dating site for plus-size people.

Philippe, who weighs just 150lbs, is a self-confessed fat admirer, who will only look at a woman if she weighs over 28 stone.

But Miss Simpson, who has an older son Devin, 14, from a previous relationship, insists she's healthy.

"My favourite food is sushi, but unlike others I can sit and eat 70 big pieces of sushi in one go," she said.

"I do love cakes and sweet things, doughnuts are my favourite."


Seriously!?!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

RIP COREY FELDMAN


He was absolutely amazing in Rock and Roll High School.

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

LOOKS LIKE FUN


This painting is awesome. I want to go swimming with a duck right now.

Friday, February 26, 2010

BRAIN HURT FROM STUPID PEOPLE TALKING


This little muffin tops name is Lauren Ashley. She is the self proclaimed Miss Beverly Hills or something like that. From my understanding she is competing in the “beauty” pageant for Miss California. Well as most young ladies in this industry know the best way to get your name out there is to hate gay people. She quoted a bible verse that in a manner of speaking said that gay people should killed;

If man lies with mankind as he would lie with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death and their blood shall be upon them.

That’s pretty biblical. Obviously, this young lady is quite worldly and a role model for young girls everywhere. Wait, I meant fat entitled hose beast that should have rotten vegetables thrown at her.

Many people have already addressed her comments and she is getting the attention she had sought. Don’t worry though, she has the strong support of the National Organization for Marriage, and its President Maggie Gallagher, who dropped this little gem;



GIVE ME MORE DONUT HOLES!!!!









No actually she said this;

But I have to say, I am impressed with her courage in coming forward and for speaking up for Carrie. The elected officials of city of Beverly Hills are not demonstrating tolerance or kindness by continuing the avalanche of hatred against supporters of Prop 8.

I slapped my head so hard after that I got a concussion. These people are not demonstrating tolerance? GAHHHHH! My brain hurts.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

BALD EAGLE BOOMBOXES


I am not saying I have made one of these yet but it is going to happen. What you are looking at right now is a rough schematic of what I envision the finished product to look like. The bald eagle doesn't have to wear the sunglasses but I think that it's a nice touch. I contemplated giving him a fresh pair of Air Force Ones but then realized that he wouldn't be able to use his talons. Talons are like birds hands.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Wednesday, February 17, 2010


Stu Nahan: Hello everybody! I'm Stu Nahan, and I'd like you to meet this young man. His name, Jeff Spicoli. And Jeff, congratulations to you. Things looked kind of rough out there today.
Jeff Spicoli: Well, I'll tell you Stu, I did battle some humongous waves! But you know, just like I told the guy on ABC, "Danger is my business!"
Stu Nahan: You know, a lot of people expected maybe Mark "Cutback" Davis or Bob "Jungle Death" Gerrard would take the honors this year.
Jeff Spicoli:Those guys are fags!
Stu Nahan: That's fantastic! Let me ask you a question. When you get out there, do you ever fear for your life?
Jeff Spicoli: Well Stu I'll tell you, surfing's not a sport, it's a way of life, you know, a hobby. It's a way of looking at that wave and saying, "Hey bud, let's party!"

Friday, February 12, 2010

HE'S SO RAW!


My d--- is sort of like a white supremacist. I've got a Benetton heart and a f-----' David Duke c---. I'm going to start dating separately from my d---.

I HAVE SIX PAIRS


Every pair comes with a grooming kit for your beard.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

THOSE SMELL GOOD




AMSTERDAM — A rose by any other name would smell as sweet, but apparently not sweet enough to conceal the scent of cocaine.

Dutch customs officials say they have intercepted a shipment of the drug hidden among 20,000 long-stem roses flown to the Netherlands from Colombia in time for the St. Valentine's Day holiday this week.

The National Prosecutor's office said Wednesday that four kilograms of the narcotic were divided into small packages, wrapped in cellophane, and hidden in the cardboard boxes holding the roses.

Two Dutch suspects were arrested. Police found more of the boxes and drugs in searches of their homes and garages. In all they uncovered 9 kilograms of highly purified cocaine with an estimated street value of $1.8 million.

Friday, February 05, 2010

HOLD UP YOUR GOBLET OF ROCK



http://www.stringmetal.com/judgementday/

Monday, February 01, 2010

Friday, January 29, 2010

SELLECK WATERFALL SANDWiCH


If you are going to do one thing in life it arguably could be visiting the blog Selleck Waterfall Sandwich . This blog delivers exactly what it says it will with tremendous artistry and passion. I worked on my own little homage to the the concept as a tribute. However, I hardly do the medium any justice. Take some time for yourself today and get lost in a land of enchantment, wonder and mustaches.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

RAMBO 2 STYLE


Don't think I forgot about you Wednesday! I still hate your stinking guts. Today I started thinking about how great it would be if you were getting tortured like Stallone in Rambo: First Blood Part 2. You know, the part where they keep dipping Rambo into some type of poo pool with diarrhea leeches in it. In and out of the pool all day long. That's my dream Wednesday. Next week I will set you up on the metal bedspring and pump 10000 volts into you. I hope everyone elses day is great.

Fun Fact:
"Rambo: First Blood Part II" (1985)
Total Body Count: 69
Kill Count Per Minute: 0.72
Torture Scenes: 5
Time of First Death In Film: 33min 34sec
Good Guys Killed: 1
Bad Guys Killed By Rambo: 58
Bad Guys Killed By Supporting Characters: 10

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

D SQUARED: ORIGINAL GANGSTER


I am no longer surprised that D2 got into amateur porn after his stint at Bayside. It was the only logical choice that he had. When you are this baller there is no where to go but up. The only thing that would make this picture more awesome is if they had a young AC Slater representing Go-Bots.

Monday, January 25, 2010

THIS KID HAS "IT"


Many thanks to the wonderful Andy McDev for sending me this amazing video. My Spanish is a bit rusty but I think this kid is rapping about world peace or cheetos.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

FREE PUDDING DUDES (GUITAR RIFF)


I watched Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure last night. At the end when they are presenting their totally awesome history presentation something came to my attention. No, besides the fact that Bill and Ted get to use the lighting system and that for some reason these history papers had to be presented in front of the entire school(San Dimas High School Football Rules!!! And so does history!). The thing that I didn't get is where all the pudding came from. In most of the crowd reaction shots, the San Dimans(?) are all destroying cups of pudding. These snacks are not seen during all the boring presentations but once B & T get on stage everyone gets pudding. I think that this is supposed to be some type of metaphor for something.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

UTAH!!!

WHAT IS THE WEST COAST GUIDO?


I have no idea what the equivalent of a guido is out on the west coast. Hippies, surfers? IOnce I find out you can bet that I have a reality show deal in place. This group of people can all come work in the chocolate covered banana hut I plan to purchase in Huntington beach. It will have some word associated with beach or coast or shore in the title.

Thursday, January 07, 2010

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

IT'S EITHER THIS OR A REALITY SHOW


I think I found a way to finally find true love (my reality show Cock of Love did not "work" for VH1). Beautiful People is a dating website for those of us who are ridiculously good looking but don't have the time to go out and meet people in public. They are so committed to serving their clientèle that after the holidays they booted over two thousand members for gaining too much weight. Maybe I should let the super P.R. savvy founder of the site, Robert Hintze, explain the business decision;


As a business, we mourn the loss of any member, but the fact remains that our members demand the high standard of beauty be upheld. Letting fatties roam the site is a direct threat to our business model and the very concept for which BeautifulPeople.com was founded.



Hell yeah Robert. Fuck all those stupid fat people looking for love. Guys like us need to stick together. Ugly and fat people just don't get what it's like to be on our level. When I go on my creepy internet dating site I want to make sure there aren't a bunch of six and sevens who think they are nines and tens.

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

WHERE ARE ALL THE FLYING CARS?


I just don't get it. Shouldn't we have flying cars by now? When I was watching movies during my more formative years they always implied that by 2010 we would at least have some sort of flying conveyance. I am not expecting that everyone has terminators, laser guns and a vacation spot on the moon, but I did expect cars that could fly. Sure, a few people have been able to build "prototypes", but that's simply slang for "car you will never drive." I am looking to one of the major car companies to stop caring so much about the doggoned environment and start making cars that can fly, or at least drive themselves.