Sunday, February 27, 2005

Burt destruction...the beginning. Forward by Walter Mondale, Phd, DDS, RNN, CPA, MBA, EPA, FAA, CIA, CNN, Walmart

tonight i sat down gathered a thurst so grand, it rivaled the great wa-a-hoo-too famine of 1836, i was there. The day smelled of rosemary and ginger. Berthed from a texan bull, wrapped in barbed wire, burt destruction was shat into the world...Although not much is known about the birth of such a man, we can only speculate.
Common scholars agree, From then on, he accomplished, he learned, he danced his way into the heats of gouls and pixies alike. Upon applying the horns to the beast burt destruction turned to me and stabbed in the eye with a screwdriver, and then proceeded to tell me how weak i was. It was the phillips head that punctured my brain, burt toasted the loss of my eyeball with primal scream. And his annoucement of the supergroup Bon Springsteen.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Gang Violence Make Burt Mad

I recently took a trip down to Los Angeles. I wanted to wind down in a nice warm area that had horrible visibility, and pollution on par with Chernobl. I went down to the ocean near Venice and started to unpack my picnic of two t-bone steaks and a gallon of raw eggs. No sooner had I finished my first t-bone when I noticed a large group of men walking towards me. It just so happened it was the entire bloods gang. I later found out they were at the beach for family day. Family day indeed. They asked me for my wallet and my life. I wear no clothes at the beach so i did not have a wallet on me. The other request, for my life, I could not do because Burt Destruction will never die. I had to think quickly. The only thing I had to protect myself were my aqua socks I had recently purchased at K MART . I quickly fastened them together, with my own hair, and made a crude pair of nunchucks. I must have wiped out the entire gang. I felt bad so I bought all their families some ice cream on uncle Burt.

Monday, February 21, 2005

Change is the spice of life...Or is it Cocaine

When I went through all the major media sites I noticed what I always do. I went to CNN, then I went to the Chronicle, then I explored other various media outlets that are commercial. Always the same sort of thing. The stories all seem to mirror eachother with the exception of a different analyst or perhaps an editorial piece by one of the writers or the editor. Of course, these sites do a good job of finding news stories that are newsworthy, but the independants focus can be much different. With many of the same news stories the independent media may look a at side to the story overlooked or underminded. They also report on news that you may not have heard. While comparing news stories I came across this one: Horses in Illinois are beginning to get drug tested for fear that they are using cocaine in order to get wired up before their races. Now if that is not news I don't know what is. In the wake of all this animal abuse it is a relevant and highly interesting story to me. I like the indy's because they offer a fresh look into our news and lives. If you want the best news coverage with the most intellectual topics please click HERE

Monday, February 14, 2005

My time in the octagon

I am supposed to write a story based on real life experience. I have so many varied experiences of different exciting things, so it was hard to narrow it down to one. If I had to pick one it would be my time in the octagon. Yes, I have wrestled in the octagon on many occasions. No, I have never lost a single match. I am going to tell what a typical experience in the octagon would be like for myself.


When my name is introduced over the loud speaker I go into what I call "the bonecrushing zone." I run as fast as I can down to the ring and jump over the eight foot wall. Once inside I do my best not to laugh as my opponent enters the ring. The funny thing about when I fight in the octagon is that once the bell rings I black out and usually come to with someone's lifeless body at my feet. As I exit the ring to cheers I think about my post match ritual. I take my clothes off and jump into a hot bubble bath with a wine cooler. It never fails to follow the same pattern.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

My web site

This is a little website that my people have put together in order to honor me and my excellence. Click Praise Me

Link to the blog I picked

I you want to read some interesting news stories and talk about them click link

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

The future is now!

Do you know how great it is that I have my own blog. Now I can regail people with my extraordinary feats, and numerous high powered business negotiations. Here's a little sample. I was the first person to hang glide in space, and I was really the one who made the Louisiana Purchase.