Friday, March 28, 2008


Man I am so glad its Friday. I think that after I get off work tonight I am going to stop by the liquor store and pick up a box of Franzia. Then it is straight home and to the couch for ABC’s Friday night lineup. I mean why would you go out when you have a block of shows together that reads like this;

Full House
When Stephanie apologizes to a boy at school, whom she had insulted by calling him "Duckface", he declares her to be his "secret girlfriend".

Family Matters
When Steve's appendicitis puts him in the hospital, Carl thinks he's in store for a few nerd-free days ... until he is shot in the butt while trying to foil a robbery and winds up sharing the same hospital room as Urkel.

Perfect Strangers
Balki insists on buying a lottery ticket but Larry thinks that it is just a waste of money for something that can't possibly win. But during the draws, Larry realizes that Balki picked the right numbers and won 28 million dollars but Balki can't remember where he hid the ticket.

Step by Step
One of Carol's clients has the Foster/Lamberts come to her country club, and while some are uncomfortable being there, each family member has their own unique experience.

MAN!!! How are you going to beat that on a Friday night? You know that Stephanie Tanner is going to say “how rude” sometime in this episode. It has to happen. Boy, and I bet Steve gets on Carl’s last nerve and hilarity ensues. What can you say about Balki that already hasn’t? I bet Mipos is just as wonderful and interesting as the man who came from there. Then you are gonna finish all of that up with a Susanne Sommer’s helmed TV show. I think I have died and gone to heaven.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Tut tut tut....Not so fast Tuesday

I received an electronic message over the interwebs from my friend Mike;

“You underestimate the crappiness of Tuesday. Although it has some international greatness in the forms of Taco Tuesday, Two for 1 Tuesdays and Fat Tuesday… these name games are just rhetoric to hide the fact that it is just another shitty day sandwiched in between Monday (my sworn enemy) and Wed (which everyone tries to build up by calling it hump day). God I hate when people say, ‘happy hump day’.”

I would have to agree with you on that sentiment Mike. Now while I won’t completely agree with you that Tuesday has taken over Wednesday as douchebag of the week, I will agree that it it’s not as great as people make it out to be. Tuesday thinks he is one of the cool kids and that his shit doesn’t stink. Well it does, really bad. A week should only be Thursday through Sunday. That is until Monday night football comes back. - MM

Friday, March 21, 2008 bracket is done

Thanks a lot Cornell. This is that last time that I pick an Ivy League school to win the NCAA tournament. I really thought that you had what it takes this year. What, with the fantastic use of the chest and bounce passes I looked for you to be an unstoppable force for this years tournament. What I failed to realize is that basketball has changed dramatically from when me and the other gents would play with peach baskets in the back of Atherton William’s father’s estate. The game has matured in ways that I never thought possible. Now with the crazy addition of the slam dunk and three point shot plays our Ivy League boys have been left behind in the dust. I guess I am just a relic from the past. Give me a Winthrop Jennings inbound bounce pass to Prescott Thourogood for a lay-up any day over this new “Alley-OOP” play. Where are the fundamentals? What happened to boxing out and keeping people over 6 foot out of the game? I tell you, I don’t know what to make of it. I guess this game is no longer a gentleman’s contest and I need to realize that. That and I am also out twenty bucks.

Monday, March 17, 2008

All y'all seen da leprechaun lemme here you say YEAH!!!

Ah yes Saint Paddy's day. I know that I am going to seen some leprechauns today, for many reasons. One being that today is a magical day for the little people and they are most likely to show there faces today above all others. Another reason is that midgets or "the vertically challenged" also will be wearing leprechaun costumes. If they don't have a pot of gold I would lean towards them being a midget, or a very fiscally savy leprechaun. The final reason is that I know I am going to have so much whiskey today that hallucinations are a given, and I plan on seeing Darby O'gill and the little people play Danny Boy in my bedroom at around 2 am. Anyhoo, I just wanted to wish everyone a wonderful day filled with merriment and beer, and sweet delicious whiskey.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Warning: Count Assula Returns

The moon is high in the city of New York and Count Assula has caught scent of the western territories again. He has dined on what NY has to offer yet he thirsts for more. This man, or entity, will not be denied his manifest destiny. If you have liquor, daughters or Otis Redding CD's I suggest you lock them all up. He will plunder. His motivations are reduced to primordial instincts. He has been known to fornicate in the areas of North Beach, the Mission, and the Warf. He has many tactics, each more incredible than the next. Ancient secrets forgotten in time, shrouded forever in secrecy. Plug the butts of those you love. The warning has been issued. - DF & MH

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Skeezus Christ

If there was any game on earth more important than Skeeball I would be hard pressed to find it. After just one week of playing in my first
  • Skeeball league
  • I am hooked. Now I have played many different sports and have had some extreme adventures over the years but nothing compares to skeeball. It is as though God himself invented this game. I will ask him about it the next time we talk. Its simplistic beauty, dedication to perfection and timelessness are unparalleled. It also helps that you can throw down about 30 PBR’s while you play and your game gets better. I look forward to this evening’s test of courage, and whiskey. Please look into joining in an area near you. This game has changed my life. And by change my life, I mean I finally have something to do on Wednesdays other than lift weights and write poetry.

    P.S. I hear that the fine young gentleman from the Sofa King Good team really are trying turn things around tonight.

    Friday, March 07, 2008

    I talk to God...A lot

    I talk to god. A lot. We talk in all forms. Sometimes he will just start talking straight into my brain, but usually he calls or IM's me. His most favorite is IM. I think it's because he knows I like all the funny abbreviations and he can make his own emoticons. Last night when we were IMing he was all like;
    "The should totally do a facebook for lepers."
    And I was like;
    I understand that he was trying to get the awareness out but I didn't have the heart to tell him that Leprocy was not as big of an issue on earth these days. We went on to talk about the current presidential race and my appreciation for his work on fucked up looking animals like the platapus. We IM'd a little bit more about weather for the upcoming weekend, and God told me about his plans to get some anal bleaching done. We each sent out a ttyl and promised to text eachother after work today. That's just the kind of connection I have with the lord. It's really open.-DF

    Wednesday, March 05, 2008

    A learning computer

    I was tipped off by my colleague Joseph that Wednesdays still suck. I gave you a chance Wednesday to turn around the perceptions that many people have of you. Well guess who shit the bed again? I won't even dignify that with an answer. Instead, I will be sending a Saturday from the future back in time to destroy you Wednesday. Good luck dealing with this guy asshole. His CPU is a Nueronet processor, a learning computer. He will not sleep until you have been terminated.