Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Look at this Pussy

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See that picture up there. That's a picture I drew of you Craig. Your name sounds like the guy who was in that show Coach. What a weak show. It was a show about a football coach but there was no football. It's a lot like your life Doctor, weak and crappy. Don't be alarmed if you find a brick through your window. I am really starting to get mad. Oh, and I wouldn't show up to TGIFriday's if you know what i mean. Eat Shit and Die.

Monday, April 25, 2005

You Lying Sack of Shit

Oh it is on now! It is so on biatch. I will use every ounce of my unbelievably ripped physique to tear your body parts limb from limb. Then i am going to get you disbarred. Watch you back because Papa Burt is on a highway to hell. I will do things that make cannibals cringe. I will strike down hell fire upon you. I also put a curse on you that makes cheeseburgers taste like cold dog shit. How bout' them apples doc. P.S. The only real doc was from back to the future.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Welcome to the World of Destruction

You awaken suddenly. You are in a dimly lit room leaning against the wall. As you notice how sweaty you are you feel that you could really go for some onion rings right about now. Suddenly, a voice beckons from the other side of the room.

"Hark yeh young man, but hath you beith the oneth who is in search of most flavorful onion rings?"

You eyes begin to focus on three distinct points of light. In front of that light looms a large and imposing figure carrying a weapon of some sort, possibly made out of the bones of various animals. Before you stands a large and imposing character who has many horrific scars and a Pantera tattoo on his neck.

"My name is Burt, and I shall be your guide through the land of DESTRUCTION."

"Behind me sits three doors. The door of FURY, the door of PAIN, and the door of MARGARITAVILLE."

"One of these doors will lead you to your goal. The other two doors will have terrifying consequences that you will live with for the rest of your days."

"Choose a door immeadiately or I will be forced to hit you with my animal bone club.


Monday, April 04, 2005

Doesn't anybody like Burt

I went to could not attend my class last week and feel a little lonely. It looks as though old Burt has been left out of the reindeer games. My nose doesn't even fucking glow... yet. I have no partner to play a game I have no idea about. However, I have started a new game with myself called world domination. It is a game of relentous determination and it is called world domination. There are three steps to the game and they work this way.

1. Become Governor

2. Become President

3. Take Over!

Of course you may be thinking that this is no game at all, but some sick twisted joke. Well do I have some news for you. The game has already begun and I am in the lead.