It is hot as balls out right now and I am frustrated. Don’t get me wrong. I happen to love hot weather. I welcome a chance to don the speedo and head out to my local park for a little sunning. What gets my panties all in a bunch is that never, not once, has the Coors Light Ice cold Beer train run through my neighborhood. I know that the thing exists. It has been in countless commercials. You know the scenario. It is closing time at work and everybody is exhausted by the heat and a long day of servitude to the powers that be, when all of a sudden this silver bastion of hope comes flying out of nowhere handing out ice cold beers and making life just a bit more bearable. Where the fuck is this magic train when I need it?!? The thing doesn’t run on tracks or anything. Scientists have concluded that it is a magic train. If it is a engineer you need then I am your man, but please don’t deny my people this super train any longer. Today would be the perfect day to do it. I will be waiting at my corner at about 4pm and if I don’t start to hear “Love Train” by the O’Jays you best believe that heads are going to roll. That’s right Pete Coors, you rocky mountain water drinking son of a bitch.
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