Super Tuesday has come and gone. What have I learned from it? All of the candidates have shitty commercials and I could care less about all of them. Not one person thought it would be a good idea to have a commercial of them in space fighting aliens on a foreign planet? Come on! Whether you like it or not, fighting off hordes of alien invaders is going to be something that this president deals with. Sooner or later we are going to deplete our resources or the aliens are going to do the same with theirs, leading to an inevitable hostile takeover by one over the other. I think that our next President should be aware of this type of problem and face it head on. I also noticed that none of the candidates has “giant laser” listed on their platform. We are going to need this laser. Maybe not now, maybe not five years from now, but by golly we are going to need it.
This laser could allow us the time to properly prepare for the looming invasion. It just bothers me that candidates still ignore the big issues and won’t take a stand for things that we will inevitably deal with. That is why I have decided to once again enter the presidential race as an independent. My platform includes the following;
• Free Healthcare
• Legalize Marijuana
• Giant Laser
• Better spaceships
• More holidays (I have some I made up)
• Free cable TV
I am getting to work on a commercial that can put into perspective the issues that I think so clearly define my first four years in office. Good day my fellow Americans.
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