Tuesday, December 22, 2009


North Pole police have arrested one Santa Claus early this morning. The warrant for his arrest was issued when multiple elves came forward with accusations of sexual harassment and physical abuse. Stories are now coming to light with accounts of sub standard work place conditions and a climate of fear from the North Poles leading provider of jobs.

Tinkle Boogle, one of the elves, spoke about what led him to come forward against the SCHTW (Santa Claus Happy Time Workshop). “The conditions in the workstation are deplorable, we have one break every eight hours and injuries often go untreated,” said Boogle. “You would think we were working for Nike.”

Perhaps more damning have been the accusations of sexual harassment. The complaints paint a picture of a serial molester and masochist. One source, who refused to be named in this story, has said “let’s just say that he was a little bit more than ‘jolly’ when it came to his interactions female employees.”

When reached for comment Claus’ lawyer Frosty T. Snowman called the suit “pathetic and without merit.” He added, “Mr. Claus fully expects to be exonerated when both sides of the case have been presented in a court of law.”

Claus is currently still in North Pole jail as he was considered a flight risk. The elves are being represented in the suit by Gloria Allred and Mark Geragos.


Dr. Satisfaction said...

What a conspiracy...Damn those elves, tryin to get over on the MAN. Free SANTA!

Anonymous said...

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