Tuesday, December 02, 2008

All up in the club

I think that is how you refer to the act of going to a club. This past Friday I was lucky enough to be invited to a party at a club downtown for Skinny Stewart’s birthday bash. I would rather not give you the name of the place but it had two stories and DJ’s on both levels!!! I know, sooooo awesome. So there are a few observations that I think are worth noting because I am not very familiar with clubs and I think that these things could help you understand whether or not you would like to go to them.

This is probably the first thing you are going to notice about the place because you can hear it before you even get inside. If you like your music loud with a lot of base then you will be pleasantly surprised. It takes a while to get used to being deaf but if having conversations in sign language and having your ears bleed is your thing, then by all means check a club out.

I am not going to lie. Your best bet would be to pound a flask of whiskey and then bank on stealing people’s drinks when they aren’t looking, these places are expensive. If you get caught you will get thrown out, and if you don’t get caught you will have free drinks. However, if you really do want to get kicked out try vomiting in a trash can.

Ambiance and D├ęcor
This place looked like something out of that movie with Yennifer Lopez, The Cell. It looked like someone threw old blankets in the ceiling with track lighting. Another nice touch was the very modern furniture although you can’t sit on it unless you are paying for bottle service. I really wanted to sit on one of those circular couches. Frowny face.

Dance floor
Seriously, watch the fuck out. Do not try to cross the dance floor with any type of drink in hand. Dance Floors are like battle fields where full drinks go to die. You will be in a trance from looking at all the funny faces people make when they boogie and then BAM, ass hits your cocktail hand and there goes that mixed drink you worked so hard on stealing is gone forever.

Cool people
There are so many cool people at these places that if you are somewhat of a regular Joe like me you might be ashamed of how awesome these people are. When I walked by those guys with the polo shirts and ties on I knew I had made a mistake. I did not come with my jewelry and toolery in check. Also, I don’t own a pair of pointy dress shoes and the lack of gel in my hair was noticeable. I could feel the burning stares from the cool guys’ eyes.

I don’t know if any of this is helpful. I just thought that I would add a view from my perspective. Which is, if someone invites you to a club the best thing to do is to show up in a tshirt, shorts and flip flops, incredibly drunk with glowsticks in your hands, and no wallet. That way they won’t let you in and you can instead go to the strip club across the street.


mrs. wurleson said...

burt - you nailed it again!

mrs. wurleson said...

burt - you nailed it again!

Skinny Stewart said...

Choosing the venue for the bday party was a bit of a battle. We had a large group. A lot of the people in the group like to dance when they get trashed. I knew there would be a few that would dislike the club. It was a hard decision to make. But i tried to think of the group as a whole. I did notice your deer in headlights look for the hour and a half that you managed to endure the club. I really do applaud you for not running screaming in the first five minutes. I know that you're much more of a PBR drinkin, JD shootin, drunk skee ball playing kind of guy. But, it was a sacrifice i had to make. Forgive me Burt, for I have sinned. I promise to never put you through those horrors again.