Tuesday, December 16, 2008

That’s not how you rob a bank

Recently four young women tried to rob a bank using a tongue and cheek instruction manual off of the internet. You can read about these bright young pillars of the community here . Let’s just say that they weren’t that successful. However, it did give me some time to think about robbing banks and what I think makes a successful bank robber. You have to have a gimmick.

I started thinking about was how a gimmick is rarely used these days when one robs a bank. Sure, the movie Point Break inspired a generation of bank robbers into using costumes in order to pull off a heist but I think we have seen the creativity of that decline in recent time. The most recent person that I can think of that had an interesting calling card was either the guy who dressed up as an old lady or the guy who came to banks in bicycle gear (I think he was called the 10 speed bandit or something stupid like that). All that makes me think that it might be the time for someone with a new and even wackier plan to take this bank robbing business to the next level.

I want to rob banks in gigantic fruit costumes. Think about how sweet that would be. When you come into the bank people probably think that you work for some mattress place or the farmers market and then BAM! You pull out the gun and tell them to hand it all over. Those costumes are so big that you can just dump the money inside. Of course, running is going to be a problem but at that point you will probably have arranged for some sort of ride by now. The best part is that you could use different fruit for every job.

I bet the news would give you some name like the Fruit of the Loom gang or the Fruit Basket Bandit. Of course, sooner or later this is going to end because you get caught, feel you have made enough to justify retirement or you run out of gigantic fruit costumes. Even if you do get caught you could probably write a book about it between random rapings and knife fights. Any other ideas?

1 comment:

AL ONION said...

I'm in if I got dibs on the granny smith apple suit. The tough and crotchedy fruit - the granny man. yeah....that's right. Give me your goddamn money sonny!