Wednesday, December 31, 2008

It is almost a New Year

It is the end of another year. End. Over. Fineto. I have to say I think this has been a shining year for your old pal Burt. I didn’t have any serious lawsuits to deal with, my portfolio remained strong and I had no serious brushes with any STD’s. All in all, it was a pretty good year.
Around this time of the year many different types of mediums will compile their best-of lists. This is a tremendous idea because who wants to work around the holidays? Not me. These lists are an easy way to get something done around this time with a marginal amount of effort. The problem is that I am even lazier than that. Therefore, I thought I would just share some of my New Year’s resolutions. And yes, I have more than one. I like to challenge myself.

Burt’s Resolutions

Get a little more sensitive about the environment. No more getting high on aerosol.

Try to work on remembering peoples names. I don’t care if you are the president.

Stop being so damned sexy all the time.

Finally write my opus. It’s a porno dealing with the rise and fall of the Ottoman empire set in an alternate universe where everyone has multiple genitals.

Eat more vegetables.

Stop blaming natural disasters on people. You have to admit there are some easy targets out there.

Stop calling people Jerkoff.

I know that list isn’t much to anyone else but it is something I am really want to strive for in 2009. I bet you think you have better resolutions than I do. Well what are they, Jerkoff?

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