Tuesday, December 04, 2007

What happened to us?

What has become of us? How have we lost sight of what it means to be a real man. A man like myself. Not afraid to mix it up and wrestle anacondas in order to have more sculpted abs. We have a problem in our popular culture. That problem is that it is okay to be a sensitive pussbag like our friend Zach here. A new type of star has emerged in Hollywood and it is a far departure from the days of old.

I remember when I was just getting into the film industry as a personal trainer/stunt coordinator/fight specialist/cateror/hunk. I had been on the set of Sands of Iwo Jima for two weeks with none other than the Duke himself, John Wayne. We hadn't had much conversation over the few weeks I had worked there. When the film was wrapping, the company threw a party at one of local taverns, and I had a chance to meet John. Actually, what happened was that I noticed JW had insulted a few people in the bar and started a fist fight. As the Duke kindly mopped the floor with three of these pieces of cow shit (his words) I noticed someone trying to take a cheap shot with a pool que on the Duke. So I stepped in and hit him with a Burt special. After the hearse came to pick those gentleman up, I had a chance to sit down and talk with JW. We became close friends until his death, but the lessons he taught me have lasted far beyond that time.

Which brings me back to my point. People like olde sissypants up there are disgracing the legend that is JW. Do you think that the Duke would have been some kind of sheepish mooper when the girl he likes is around? No fucking way. JW would have walked right up to that broad and planted one right on her kisser. That also would be a binding contract of marriage as well, so that lucky lady would now be the Duke's wife. Would the Duke make a movie about how he is depressed and that the relationship with his father is desolving in an intense character study? Are you fucking kidding me? Of course not. He would have replaced Natalie Portman with Japanese gorilla fighting forces and he would have killed his parents in the first ten minutes. He also would have surrounded himself with a top flight military team to help take care of the rest of those exstacy eating butthounds. Finally, do you think that John would have even wanted to hang out with Mr. Braff? Maybe .....when hell freezes over and my dick jumps off my body and runs into an enchanted forest in my back yard. So no...he wouldn't. Even if they did, what would they do? I am sure that Zach would be asleep by the time JW was receiving his tenth finger of whisky and second raw porterhouse steak.

Basically, what I am saying is that the leading man of today has lost a step. I am sick of this sensitive stuff. It is beginning to overflow into all forms of pop culture and I for one am not having it. And a quick note to Zach; I am gonna find you one of these days , and it isn't going to be for a cup of tea.

1 comment:

joel said...

Here here Capi-tan! What is with these pillow biting fartwads who think they can just step into the over-grown shoes of a Burt Reynolds or Chuck Norris or Jean Claude Van Damn for that manner? No, I will not have skim milk with my wheaties, and no I don't want odor-eaters for my ass kicking cleats either.
It about time GI Joe started fucking Barbie agian!