After the disappointment of last week’s Bigfoot debacle I have decided to pack up my bags and head into the woods to track this elusive creature down. But Burt, what makes you think that you will be able to catch the Bigfoot when so many others have failed? Well, I have a different approach than most people. I am going to throw the Bigfoot a party. I figure I will get airlifted out to a predetermined location (no I am not telling you) and bring the supplies that I think will get this party started right. And by supplies I mean a pound of mushrooms, and liter of jaegermeister, six candy bars, a Hustler, and a keg of miller high life. I also forgot to mention the boom box that I am going to bring. My plan is to eat a bunch of the mushrooms, tap the keg and then put on my super awesome Bigfoot mix tape (a mix of speed metal and Phil Collins). I figure all I have to do then is wait. Once Bigfoot gets there or I hallucinate him being there I will take photographic evidence and say the pictures are just for me. Once I have lulled him into a false sense of security BAM! Karate chop to the back of the neck and he is out. The hard part is going to be hiking him out on my back, and having to knock him out every once and a while. I don’t plan on handing him over to experts but rather letting him hang at my place for a few days to see how the other half lives. I think it will be funny to see how he reacts to sandwiches and mini malls. Then a few days later when he is adjusting to living life in this new world BAM! I knock him out and drop him right back out in the woods. Why? Because I can.
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