Tuesday, August 12, 2008

I am going to go fishing...for Megaladon

The weather has been getting a little nicer lately in my area. I also have been looking to the skies and noticed that most of the bird population has been heading inland. This can only mean one thing. There is a Megaladon off the coast and I must hunt it. If you are not familiar with the megaladon here is a brief description from wikipedia;

The megalodon (pronounced /ˡmɛ.gə.ləˌdɒn/ or MEG-a-la-don; meaning "big tooth" or in Greek as μέγας 'οδόντος) was a giant shark that lived in prehistoric times, between about 18 million to 1.5 million years agoa[›] and was the apex predator of its time. It is the largest carnivorous fish known to have existed,[1] and quite possibly the largest shark to have ever lived. It is believed that the average size of the megalodon was between 12 metres (39 ft) and 18 metres (59 ft). This species is a member of the Lamnidae family but its classification is in dispute …..

Blah Blah Blah more science talk. Basically, this animal is a great white shark the size of a school bus. The entry goes on to say that people think that these animals may still exist in certain waters. Well they do. What do you think happened to all those people in the Burmuda triangle? Yeah, it was Megaladons. So this week I have decided to head out to the “triangle” as I like to call it and try and catch me a biggun. For this journey I am going to need a few things;

Bottle of whiskey
Row Boat
Cuban cigars
Side of beef
Bowie knife
Nose plugs
Hello Kitty Backpack
The easiest way to hunt the beast is to get out into the middle of the “triangle” and drop the meat overboard. The next step is to drink all of the whiskey. Believe me, you do not want to do this sober. Once the beast is in your sites you must entice it by dancing in the boat naked with the Hello Kitty backpack on. For some reason the mix of the colors and nudity pisses these things right off. As the monster approaches from the deep you need to make sure that your timing is on because you have to make sure that it eats you whole. I miss calculated one time and one of them got a good piece of my heel. Once inside the animal just cut your way out with the knife. Its pretty straight forward but the hard part is after that. Most of the time the row boat is going to be destroyed so you have to make a boat out of the animal carcass, which usually smells like four types of shit. However, upon arrival home after battling the seas and hungry sea birds you are going to have a good amount of meat and a pretty satisfied feeling.

1 comment:

Dr. Satisfaction said...

You are all that is man, larger and more mighty than all the beasts, you are Mega-DONG-Destruction Burt!