Wednesday, August 06, 2008

If she can do it, I can do it

Recently, I have noticed that Jessica Simpson has decided to direct her career into that of a country singer. After her TV show was finished her father (pimp) decided that the next big move would be for her to focus on being in feature films. Since these films were not porn, and the fact that she can’t act her way out of a wet paper bag this idea failed miserably. That’s when dear old dad figured that it was time to move in another direction. His first plan was to put her into the arms of Tony Romo and hope that the exposure of her dating a famous football star in Texas would lead into his next master plan, to become the next great country star. I have to admit that I think this is an excellent idea, because any retard can make a country album. That is why I have decided to become a country star myself.

The first step in becoming a country singer is to select the type of star that you want to be. Many of the popular options include blatant racist, super American pride, good time party boy, big titted songstress (see Jessica), sad old farmer, and metro sexual cowboy. This decision is a tough one because most of the song content has to be derived from the image you choose. You can’t sing about loving your fourth wife tender and then go transition into a song about how Mexicans are worse than Al Qaeda. That would be stretching yourself way too thin. In order to be a success you need to pick an image and commit to it. Right now I am not to sure what type of country singer that I want to be. I would really appreciate your help in letting me know what you think would be the best choice for myself. At this time I am currently leaning towards super American pride country singer with my first album tentatively titled “If you don’t like speaking English you can get the fuck out.” I am open to suggestions though.

1 comment:

David said...

As long as Bin Ladin and his ilk are wandering the earth, and the Republicans have Karl Rove to scare the bejesus out of everyone with every election, and Lou Dobbs is raving about the Mexican border, the fodder for the songs will be extremely abundant so I vote for the American Pride butch cowboy route.

Also, you can sing the star spangled banner at football games and such as a flag waving singer.