Excuse me sir, did you shit your pants?

This weekend I had the pleasure of visiting beautiful Delores Park in the Mission District on a fantastically sunny day to watch the red bull soap box races. Due to the fact that it was such a nice day out I decided to treat myself to a couple of cold fresh beers. The cold beers tasted great but because of my child sized bladder I had to make more than a few trips to one of the many porta potty stations all over the park. When I first went up to the lines for the toilet I noticed that one stall did not have a line in front of it. A nice older gentleman who looked to be accompanied by an escort explained that someone had jumped into the stall about ten minutes ago and was not coming out. You have to feel for someone in a situation like that. I reasoned to myself that he must have some case of explosive diarrhea or he was doing drugs in the toilet. Either way he was in there for a reason.
You can imagine my surprise when I returned to the same area about a half hour later and our friend was still in the toilet. Although, people had now begun to bang on the stall door and were trying to force the door open. Not until a half an hour later with the cops finally at the door did any response come from inside. He finally emerged after an officer came to the door with what looked like running pants for him to put on, which leads me to why I wrote about this incident in the first place.
If you are going to be stuck in a porto potty there better be one hell of a goddamned good reason that you could stay in a bucket of filth that long. Obviously, this guy must have shit his pants and he didn’t want to come out until the party was over. I began to think of other possible reasons that could compel one to stay in a place like that for so long. Here is what I came up with at the time;

He is high as fuck on drugs and the tight space and smell of that porto water were the only things that helped him stay calm.

Someone at the races had him marked for death and he had to hide in the john until he was able to get a police escort out of the area.

This person has a fetish for doodie and was getting his rocks off doing a little poo play.

Our friend may have had too much to drink and he wanted to take a nap without being bothered.

Or ……SHIT HIS PANTS AND STAYED WITH HIS POO PANTS ON IN THAT PORTO POTTY FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF WHILE EVERYBODY KNOCKED ON THE DOOR UNTIL THE COPS CAME WITH A CLEAN PAIR OF SHORTS FOR HIM UNTIL HE WALKED OUT OF THE THING LIKE NOTHING HAD HAPPENED WITH A LOOK LIKE “WHAT THE FUCK ARE ALL OF YOU LOOKING AT”!!!