Thursday, October 16, 2008

We need a new type of debate


Thank god that was the final debate last night. I have a hard time watching the debates because I feel like we are seeing the person trying to put forward the best image of themselves as possible while sugarcoating their beliefs and ideals. Of course this is going to happen, but I just wanted you to know. I need people to hear my feelings because I am insecure and if I don’t express myself I get upset that nobody knows how I feel and that leads to me soaking in a bubble bath and crying my eyes out while I drink Nyquil, but I digress. The problem is that in America today we value much more than just a message or an image. We need to see actual results in action. That is why I have a plan to get rid of debates in general and to institute what I call Physical Challenges.

These physical challenges will be a series of mental, physical, and emotional tests that each candidate must go through before a live audience. Now I haven’t really narrowed these down yet but I think that if I could throw out a few ideas maybe we could start brainstorming or start a think group, whatever. Here are my initial thoughts;

Have the first challenge actually be a physical challenge from the show Double Dare. I recommend that is be one where they have the bucket on their head and they have to fill it by squeezing juice out of something, hopefully oversized foam fruit.

Wild bird calling.

Have the contestants play a game of darts. Each candidate has to have three alcoholic drinks of their choice throughout the game.

Swimsuit competition.

Each candidate will be shown a series of pictures in the same order while attached to a heart rate monitor. These pictures will be very sexy, but of both a hetero and homo sexual nature. Maybe even some kinky animal stuff?

Freestyle rap battle

The candidates must each play a game of Pictionary with their family. It would be a really great look at the family dynamic and how much pressure the candidates put on their children for failing.

Hidden talent.

The candidates must be locked in a room with a crazy left wing or right wing activist who has just smoked a pretty large amount of rock cocaine and try to see how long they can talk to them before the security has to come in.

Log rolling.


Each contestant will have to do both the American Gladiator “Eliminator” and “the Crag” from guts. This part of the competition will be timed.

That’s all I have for now. I think that if we could find a way to make all of these events have a relevant scoring system this could really work. In the event of a tie we will have the candidates square off in some type of cage fight with an assortment of weapons and wild animals in the cage. All of the representatives of government must dress up like they are in Mad Max and the referee will be Tina Turner. As always, I am open to suggestions.

1 comment:

Skinny Stewart said...

ummm.....what about the ex lax challenge??????