Thursday, November 20, 2008

I am thinking about getting a new scar

I have scars all over my body. They tell many stories. There is the large diamond shaped scar on my back that was the result of a megalodon bite. I fell asleep one time under water and one of those damn things bit me. It was completely my fault. I have a scar on my knee from when I tore my ACL in the first mile of the New York City Marathon. It’s much bigger than the normal ACL repair because I decided to finish that god damned race. I am still on a list to get robot knees.

These scars and many others allow me to tell war stories and have visual evidence to provide. It also makes for a very sexy conversation with women. Do you remember that scene in Lethal Weapon where Mel Gibson and Renee Russo compare scars until they are almost naked and then they do it? Yeah, that happens to me all the time. It usually gets pretty hot and heavy when I show my penis scar. Nothing sexy about that though. I just tried to jump a barb wired fence when I was drunk and naked. It was not because I had some crazy sex marathon.

I guess the point I am trying to make is that scars are pretty sweet and badass. My problem is that all of my scars are neatly hidden under my clothes. That’s why I want to get a scar where everyone will notice. The first thought is my face but I figure that people will think I am trying to copy Scarface. You know, because I am down with the hip hop culture and I sell copious amounts of cocaine. I don’t want to do that because BD is his own person. I want a scar that is original. I want a scar across my neck.

Is there someone out there that could make a nice long scar across my neck without killing me? It will have to be really big and crooked looking. The reason for that is I already have a story to go along with it. It would go something like this;

Oh yeah you noticed that. I am a little self conscious about it….okay yeah I will tell you how it happened. I am the last highlander. That movie is based on my life although I would have asked for someone a little bit taller than Christopher Lambert. Anyhoo, the only way that the other immortals could kill me was by chopping off my head. They got pretty close but I managed to fend them off with my karate skills and ninja stars. Yeah that was about 500 years ago….so I have had this thing for a while. What? What’s that you say? Take of all my clothes and show you the rest of my scars. I guesss……

I am pretty sure that’s how it would happen.

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