Thursday, November 06, 2008

I claim lavender homie (Tons of Gang signs)

Besides watching a lot of soft core porn on HBO I really like to watch shows about gangs and prisons. Don’t ask me if there is a connection because there is and it’s frighteningly perverted. The one show in particular is Gangland, the show that has the sound of a man screaming like he has just been stabbed before they show each vignette (gwaaaaahhh). Gangland is great because it shows a lot about how gangs have been formed across the United States and how they have come to have the traditions and rivalries that they do. It made me start to think of getting my own gang together. You may think it is easy but there are many components to having a successful gang, and you need to think long and hard about the type of stuff needed to succeed in this “thug life.” That is why I have decided on a few items that I think lend credibility to my burgeoning gang and the way we “roll.”

The color that you wear is an important step to creating a gang identity. These colors are a visual symbol of who you represent on the streets. The problem that I have with gang colors is that most gangs go with the tired colors of blue or red. Basically, a few people decided on these colors and then everybody copied them. Of course, there are gangs like the Latin kings who go with black and gold but fuck them because they are pussies. I have noticed that there are many colors to choose from that people have not picked yet. I have decided to go with lavender for two reasons. One, it is a sissy color to some but it won’t look so sissy after I just gut stabbed you for calling me a fag. Two, nobody rocks lavender and I think that we could probably get a good bulk deal on bandanas and outerwear if we pick that color.

Right now I think I will keep the turf to the block I live on. There are no gangs that currently run on this street and I think I could set up a nice little base of operations. Besides I am lazy and I always like to be close to home in case I have to take a shit.

My gang is going to be into all the usual stuff. We will deal drugs, extort, claim protection fees, and all other types of “ill Shit.” The one thing this gang is going to do is step outside of the box in our operations. I think that we will be the first gang to deal with the black market sales of puppies and kittens. This is an opportunity to stake claim in an illegal activity that some may deem a little too pussyish(?) for a gang. I tell you people will be fighting hard to get in on that racket, but by the time they do we will have the whole town on lockdown.

Now this is a tough one. Stacking signs is an important skill for all gangs to have. It’s a form of silent communication and also a really cool thing to do when dancing. The problem is that you can’t have signs until you have something to sign about. Which brings me to my final category for now.

Gang name
I am still at a loss for what I want to do about this one. Do I try to claim a street name or area code in my gang name? Do I add a title like Lords or God’s? Dare I even try to claim a name of ethnic implications? After much thought I realized that I want a gang that is an equal opportunity employer. That’s why I am going to go away from convention and call my gang the Fighting Gentlemen.

We will be having a meet and greet 40oz luncheon coming up in the next couple of weeks. Please be prepared to explain a little bit about yourself and what types of “shit” you are into. It would help if you could bring a police record and credit report.

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