Friday, June 12, 2009


This is the first thing that I heard this morning when I walked out of my house. It seems that a passing bus’ vibration had set the car alarm off on a shitty convertible. I sat at the corner and watched as the alarm went through all of the usual sounds (it is almost like knowing an old ace of base song. You hate it but the second you hear it you sing it in your head) and then turned off. Of course, no one came down to turn it off. This is what bothers me about car alarms. For the life of me I just don’t think that they are that effective. I mean the club has to be more effective than a car alarm. So with that in mind I have come up with a few new car alarms/theft deterrents of my own.

Have the alarm sound be the audio of Rosanne Barr singing the national anthem.

Have a novelty boxing glove come out of the airbag and punch people in the face.

Driver ejection seat if the weight does not match up. Note to self: Must warn friends when borrowing my car.

Sleeping gas in the AC unit.

No first gear.

Put angry badgers in the front seat. Of course you are going to deal with the occasional mess and rabies but no one will touch your car.

Any of those has got to be better than the alarm sound.

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