Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Fuck it! Let's combine them all

There are certain ideas in the movie business that seem like they will always be reinvented for another generation no matter how shitty the idea might be. A few examples of this downhill trend would include Predator, Aliens, and the recent Terminator film. Jason Statham is also doing quite well for himself with the Transporter series. It just seems that producers want a proven commodity that they can suck the life out of and these movies provide that. Of course, we have seen some of these characters already combined in the critically acclaimed and Oscar nominated AVP series. That movie did not translate into a winner financially but it sure did keep Aliens and Predators in the mix for years to come. I recently read that there are plans for remakes of both these franchises and you can bet your sweet tits that those things are probably already in pre production. Well, I have a feeling that they might not do too well. Why? Because we need to combine all of them.

Here is what I propose. We take Chev Chelios (the transporter) and put him in outer space. He has to drive a Audi spaceship across the galaxy with a mysterious container in it. The container has a Alien/Predator baby in it and all of the Aliens and Predators are trying to get their hands on it. The spaceship is also a transformer. There are terminator pirates in space and they don’t take too kindly to life forms. Also, we will have the kid from Harry Potter play a magic helper robot that makes martinis. I am not going to give away too much but let’s just say there is a love story, a twist ending and six shirtless knife fight with the Stat.

The best part? I could make this movie under a budget of 500 million.


AL ONION said...

First off, let me say - I like this movie already....BIG TIME!

But do you think there may be room to add Hannah Montana as a cyber popqueen tart whose music is popular with the Alien/Predator youth of the times?

The "transporter" recruits Montana to come sing to the child while its in the transformer ship to keep the little monster chill.

Then it will be shone that the future is lawless with even the good guys are dog-eat-dogbone, and the "transporter" sells HM to a viscious pack of Gombolites, which are a generic Ewoks - who enjoy not story telling and gay robots, but the ever changing world of fashion!

Burt Destruction said...

That's why you are paid the big bucks Al.