Friday, July 24, 2009

Final Destina.....ZZZzzzz......

Final Destination 4 (Or snore as I like to call it...ohhhhh smell that burn)is coming to theaters in August and I could not be less excited. In these movies people are destined to die because they all escaped some terrible tragedy. They escape the accident because the main character has a vision the foresees the carnage. Then this person can't see into the future ever again(great idea!). Inevitably, people who survived start getting picked off in weird and, usually, complex ways. I guess that is why people go to see these movies in the first place. Well praise the sweet baby jebus that I don't have to worry about that because I already know what happens.

Sometime last night when I came out of a strong opium high I saw the trailer for this movie and am pretty sure I can pick out a few of the death scenes already.


Somebody is going to get crushed to death at a 30 minute oil change place. Just trying to put some in some oil and BAM! hyrdolics go out and a car crushes them.

It looked like one girl is going to get her head stuck outside of a sunroof while in a carwash and the machines are going to rip her head off. Surprisingly, this accounts for 500 deaths each year in the US alone.

Somebody is going to be hit by an errant race car tire. Much like Maude Flanders did (R.I.P.iddly).

At some point there will be an explosion that sends shards of stuff flying to kill maybe two people. I actually think this will happen twice.

Something happens with some sort of kitchen appliance. That's the only one I didn't see but I know it will happen.

A rock is going to shoot out of a lawnmower. Those damn kids need to stop throwing rocks on people's lawns.

And my favorite. It looks as though a gentleman in the movie is going to be swimming some laps and somehow gets sucked down to the pool drain where his insides are sucked from his body through the two hole.

So there you have it. I just saved you at least ten dollars. Why not take that money and buy some flowers for your mom or favorite hooker?

1 comment:

Dr. Satisfaction said...

Genius....Burt you are wise beyond your years. And since your like two hundred and six years old that's pretty F'n wise.
Suck my balls Jake Gyllenhaal!