Tuesday, June 10, 2008

I want to get in shape...Prison style

Last night I had the pleasure of watching Lockup on TV. If you haven’t seen the show it chronicles America’s prisons and the people who inhabit them. Most shows deal with the same type of things; riots, drug sales, gang affiliation, intercommunication between convicts and gang rape….sweet sweet gang rape. The one thing that I don’t think they focus on enough is how guys who are confined to cells for 23 hours a day stay in such wonderful shape. Sure, you have all the time in the world to masturbate but I think it is more than that. Its all about getting that prison swole. The Urban Dictionary defines swole and even gives an example in a sentence;

To be big, with large muscles.

Usually one gets 'Swole' or 'Swole Up' while in prison because of excessive lifting weights.

In Texas usually pronounced Shwole.

'oooooooooooie that maaafucker is swole!!!

I think that if I was going to get “swole” I would focus on the pushups and resistance training. I hear that rolling up ones mattress is a good way to do some power lifting. I also remember this movie with Michael Keaton where he fills up bags with water and does curls with those. That might work.

But why would you be worried about getting swole in prison you may ask? My theory is that sooner rather than later I will be going to jail for some offense. My biggest fear is that I will be released back into general pop without the physical strength to take on five or six men in a shower knife fight. Please let me know if any of you have some exercise routines that may help.

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