I just started playing World of Warcraft...for real

I am not a rich man by any means. To be quite honest I make just enough to cover my rent, food, and unhealthy liquor obsession. It doesn’t leave much room for other expenses such as heat or toilet paper. That is why I had been feeling pretty left out recently because I can not purchase the game World of Warcraft (WoW). It is mostly because I don’t have the money to buy the game and pay its monthly dues, but also because I don’t own a computer, and I guess you kind of need one of those. Turns out that you really do need to have the game on your own computer as public libraries and coffee shops have explained to me ad nauseam that I cannot install it on theirs. So with a heavy heart I looked for another way to experience this growing culture and I found it. I have started playing WoW for real.

Now I don’t want to confuse this with Live Action Role Playing
or other variations thereof. I do something completely different and let me explain. What I typically end up doing is I will drive out to a very secluded area that is far from the bright lights of the city. Typically, I like to go deep into the woods where animals will be my only companions. With me I will bring all types of medieval clothing (from my days in the renaissance fair, don’t ask) and a lot of swords and weapons (those are from killing people who come on my property). Once I have taken the time to pack up all of my belongings I take drugs. I take a SHITLOAD of drugs. Recently, I have been using a combination of acid, ecstasy, mushrooms and the tranquilizers they use on small animals. I will take this combo and hike out into the woods for the day. You never know what type of adventure is going to happen. Just last week I fought an Ogre to the death and swam in a pool with freshwater mermaids. However, when I replay the day after I have come down it was more like I fought a tree for a half hour and then fell in a creek where a fish swam up my ass. That aside it is a magical adventure and I think that if you have some time you should join me. My name is Burticus and I rule the wooded glen.