Monday, January 07, 2008

Guess who shit the bed?

NBC. I have been reading the periodicals this morning and the resounding review of the new American Gladiators. Basically, everyone thinks it licks balls. Like huge sweaty fly infested donkey balls dipped in bile, and that’s being nice about it. As I have stated before I have a personal problem with the American Gladiator show in general, but I won’t let it interfere with my honest opinion of the show. First thing that needs to be changed are the hosts. The Hulkster and Layla Ali are just not the men for the job. I think you need to bring a silver voiced pimp like Bob Barker out of retirement or just have a announcer over the PA system (like the guy from movie previews that starts every thing with “In a time/ land/ world…”). Next up, they need to have more consequences for when people fail an event. If you lose in joust you fall into water. Oh, how embarrassing! How about filling that water with piranhas and alligators? I am sure as shit you are going to get a lot more effort out of people that way. Essentially, I am saying add something to each event that makes it life threatening. Finally, please stop making the gladiators dance, howl, or all wear mascara. I know that the guys that play the female gladiators have to use it to make them look feminine but I think it is okay if the other guys don’t wear it. It helps me to differentiate. Anyways, all I can say is that I would have been a much better contestant or gladiator had I been given a chance. Although, I would have made a request to wear my old sweatsuit instead of those tight fancy lad outfits.

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