My friend Conor sent me this movie poster a week ago and I am still trying to figure it out. Unlike many of you I have actually been to the center of the earth, and it looks nothing like this. Now I understand that Hollywood has to make movies that are interesting and visually appealing, but you don’t have to make it look this stupid. The center of the earth is a lot dirtier than what this poster implies, and it is also hot as fuck down there. It’s the kind of heat that makes you feel like your wearing a wet swimsuit for underwear. What I am trying to say is that going to the center of the earth is not easy. I had to make a large drilling machine out of the remnants of a tank and a 1976 Ford Pinto. What most people ask me about my trip to the center of the earth is, ‘did you go all the way to china?’ Yes I did. It wasn’t my first choice, but I just seemed to end up there. Do you want to know something? People in China are not very happy when an American made earth tunneling Pinto ends up breaching the grounds of Tiananmen Square. Not happy at all.
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