Wednesday, January 16, 2008

I have a plan to stop Britney Spears

This needs to stop. Someone has to put an end to this. People around the world are suffering and the biggest news most often seems to be Britney Spears and her impending mental breakdown/suicide/mountain dew commercial. Obviously, some of you people can’t get enough of her. Want to know something? I have had enough. So you can imagine my glee when I saw on the news that she had been taken from her home by police and placed in a mental hospital for evaluation. Thank god. They are going to have to keep her in there for a while. WRONG. They released her a day or two later and now she is back on the streets causing havoc. It is obvious that she craves attention and will go to any lengths to see that she is noticed. She can break the law and get away with it by paying her way out of it or spinning the truth with press releases. Basically, she can not be stopped, at least not by conventional standards. That is why I would like to apply a new tactic in getting Britney out of the public eye.

Remember that part in Jurassic Park 2 when they come back to the island to hunt and capture the dinosaurs. Well that stuff really happens. I have hunted and trapped many dinosaurs during my day using that type of machinery. I don’t know if it will work, but it is worth a try. I figure we can set a trap in downtown LA for her that she cannot avoid, something along the lines of free French fries or a baby giveaway. Once she has gotten to the target zone we will sound the hunt. She is prone to quick and aggressive movements so we will have to be quick and not make any mistakes. My guess is that she isn’t in the best cardio shape so if we take her car out of the equation and force her to run, the odds would be in our favor. I am pretty sure that we will be able to take her down with a high dosage of horse tranquilizers and a steel net gun. The only problem I see is all the ridiculous paparazzi around her. I figure we can just shoot them or run them over with the trucks, because nobody really cares about those people. They are like hookers. They have no souls. Once we have Britney in custody I would recommend the same Raptor enclosure that they used in the movie. It will be nice for her and us. She gets to eat a live cow everyday and lives in a pretty electric house. We don’t have to watch a self-absorbed, bipolar, attention whore make a fool of herself. Sounds like a win-win to me.

1 comment:

Guadalupe said...

Finally a plan that will work. My insides are laughing as I know, Burt you've nailed it. Or maybe you've nailed her and just know her secret sensitive spot. You know her emotions busted like the Pinata at a fat Mexican kid birthday party spilling everywhere for everyone to sit in a corner and drool with.
I know the Jurrasic Park method is a little harsh but then when you think she's spawned life, one reconsiders. Be careful the cow you toss into the cage isn't baby veal.