Monday, February 23, 2009

My thoughts on the Oscars



I watched the annual hand job tournament called the Oscars last night and I actually watched the whole thing. Most of that had to do with the money I put into a pool betting on who would win the awards. By the time I realized that I would not be winning they were giving out the award for best movie. Since I did watch the whole show and I thought I would share my feelings about the show (I know that is why everyone woke up this morning);

They need to sexy the Oscars up, enough with the fancy clothes and jewelry. It should be bikinis and high heels for the ladies with some obvious exceptions (I’m looking at you Meryl Streep).

There needs to be more beef. Jennifer Aniston has the perfect chance to call Angelina Jolie out and she does nothing? It would have been like the Source awards if I was up on that stage and one of my enemies was in the crowd. Aniston – “Yeah Yeah. Fuck jolie. Fuck Pitt. Fuck yo kids. Real talk son. Death Row for life. WESTSIDE!”

Not one lifetime achievement award for Van Damme.

There isn’t even an action movie category. If there was Deathrace would have won it.

Beyonce has got to go. Somewhere out there people are still paying her to act and it makes no sense to me. She should have quit after Foxy Cleopatra. The point of making sure she sang a few bars of “At Last” by Etta James to reference her work portraying her made my angries come out.

Where was Jack Nickolson?

Trying to get younger people into the Oscar’s? That can be the only explanation for the Miley Cyrus attendance. Next year Dora the Explorer and Blues Clues will be interviewed by Tim Gunn.


More cha cha cha, less razzle dazzle Mr. Jackman

Philip Seymore Hoffman had an awesome beanie, nobody else rocked a hat like that.

JAI HO is my new favorite song.

I need to watch the movies that are up for awards if I am going to bet again next year.

3 comments:

popt said...

why did all the former winners have to go up there and give hand jobs to all the nominees, it was pretty excruciating, like watching tia leone act in anything

Anonymous said...

you meant whinners right???

Anonymous said...

Annual Hand job tournament! Ha, brilliant!
-Nico