Monday, April 06, 2009

Oh Florida, when will you learn?

I am fascinated by police reports. I love them. Every day I check sites like The Weekly Vice and Smoking Gun to catch up on the more interesting forays into crime by America’s best and brightest. These reports can be anything from public intoxication to getting arrested for having sex with your dog, each one fascinating in its own right. The problem is that I have started to see a startling connection between many of these police reports. A shitload of these fucked up stories come from Florida.
What do you guys put in the water down there? Are the laws different? For the love of god do people wear pants there? I went on The Weekly Vice today and three of the top six stories were from Florida. Here are the headlines from Florida;

Robber In A Hurry To Snatch Woman’s Purse, Leaves Behind Wallet

Jerron Moffitt - Florida Man Distributes 79 Envelopes Marked ‘Anthrax’ Across Town As April Fools Prank. Authorities Weren’t Laughing

Judge To ‘Naked Nanny’ - Keep Your Clothes On A Bit Longer

Of course, people are going to blame those numbers on the size of the state, indicating the large population is at fault. I don’t know if I trust that theory though. I have a little theory of my own as to why Florida seems to be our nation’s leader in mentally deficient criminals, its called meth.

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